Wednesday, Oct. 13, 2004
Life is but a dream.
Today was hell. Sheer and utter hell, it left me wanting to lie curled up in a corner in a fetal position. Life sucks like that, I suppose. Monday I got in a huge fight with Cody. Humongous, really, but we’d worked things out that night. Then, next thing I know today I find out that there’s a little bit of a rumor going around about us in Cody’s group of friends about our status of virginity. To all you involved: you can go fuck yourselves. Rot in hell for all I care. Now don’t be alarmed by my insensitivity here. I am simply returning to you what have given to me. I spent most of my lunch hour crying curled up in as close to the fetal position as one can get whilst sitting in a chair.
I was upset because Cody had not immediately jumped up to defend us. When he had heard of it, he explained the truth to a very close one of his friends and ignored comments from everyone else. I am upset because these people, who I feel have wronged me before and forgiven were supposed to be my friends. I feel wronged because this is something personal, and it’s none of their damn business whether or not I’ve had sex with Cody! We’ve been going out for nearly two and a half years for Christ’s sake! You’d think it wouldn’t be a big deal anyway.
So by the end of the day I pretty much felt like shit. But it was really sweet when Mr. Butler had figured out that I was having a pretty bad day, and at the beginning and end of class asked me how I was feeling, and if I wanted a pass to the nurse, and what was wrong. That made me feel better, as though he really did care. Not that people don’t care- in fact Haley was really sweet to me today as well. After school I went to go talk to Cody, and he was pretty much just as upset as I was about everything, but he didn’t want to talk about anything. There was a Tri-M meeting that he had to go to. I ran out of the band room and into Abby, Mark, and Brent. Abby asked me why I’d yelled at Mandy (bitch girl from hell, rest assured), and that got me upset all over again. I was already trying not to cry about Cody not wanting to talk again. I just went off! I vented about how I positively hate Mandy at this point in time, and how I constantly feel hurt by Cody as of late. I went off about how upset I am over how all Cody and I can do as of late is fight. Next thing I know, I’m near hysterics, crying my little eyes out trying to leave the building with Mark and Brent near restraining me. Mark didn’t want me to drive so upset. He said he’d worry about me (Wow. That makes me feel good.) driving like a madman in the rain. However, Mark could not “Sit with the girl for ten minutes. Make sure she doesn’t drive anywhere.” He did make Brent do it however. Brent and I meandered our way down red hall, while I was still in half-hysterics. Along the way we ran into Mrs. Mallrich, and Mrs. Barbour. Both women stopped us to ask what was wrong. Brent just told them that I was overwhelmed by things.
You know what’s ironic? That’s exactly my problem. Overwhelmed is the PERFECT word for it. I can’t deal with these people and Cody and the family situation all at once. Things are hard to handle right now, and nobody’s helping to make the situation at the moment. Although those people that are reaching out to me are the kindest people on the planet, because you really don’t have to, yet you are anyway. Thank you.
Flashing back on track here, Brent and I are in the parking lot, and I’m sitting in the car crying my eyes out, while he is just standing there dumbfounded. Not dumbfounded. Dumbfounded is the completely wrong word for this. Shocked, I believe, would be more appropriate. Then, Mandy drives by and screams out her window that Cody needs a ride home from the Tri-M meeting. Brent just says that he needs to get home, and I ignore her completely. Remember I’m very angry with her. Then she comes back around about two minutes later from B-lot with Cody sitting in the backseat of her car. She drops him off and then leaves. By this point in time, I’m out of the car standing in the middle of the parking lot, no longer in hysterics, but still crying nonetheless. Cody ran up to me, put his arms around me and pulled me to him.
He wrapped his coat around the two of us, leans his chin on my shoulder and whispers into me ear, “I’m sorry. I’m really sorry. I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry. I do want to talk, I really do.” His voice is hoarse and sad. I just stand there and cry into his shoulder. I cried, and I cried, and I cried. At some point, I heard Brent get into his car and leave. How long Cody and I were in the parking lot as he held me I don’t know; but I remember thinking that it was extremely sweet and Bridget Jones-esque the way he had his coat around me. It was endearing how he held me as I cried.
Eventually, he leaned down and kissed me on the forehead. He kissed me on the tip of my nose, each cheek, and once on the lips. He took me to my car and sat me down, taking off his coat and putting around my shoulders. Walking around to the passenger seat, he took my keys and turned the ignition, blasting the heat. The rain pattering on the windshield, he locked the doors and told me to talk. So we talked. We talked for the better part of an hour. We made up. We kissed, and he offered to take me out for ice-cream since I missed lunch. Ignoring the fact that I was the one actually taking him out, we went by Misty’s and he bought me a drumstick and himself a cookie-dough twister. Sitting in the car, we ate ice-cream, listened to The Alien, and chatted about little things. I then took him home, went to Gran’s and got bitched out because it was 5:30 by the time I got home.
Life is funny sometimes.
theparisian at 10:30 p.m.